Dear Cheri,
I am beside myself. He can't even tell me anything. He won't text me, email me, IM me, or call me. He thinks that is the way his, I can't day the word but not his nice girls on the side should be treated. Honestly, if he just would respond once I wouldn't go crazy trying to get ahold of him. He has told me before that nothing changes with him and he rarely meets anymore. But last time we talked he had 3 new women and one her was drooling over. How can I trust it is good with us unless he tells me? I guess I am needy.
Needy in the Midwest
Dear Needy in the Midwest,
Why do you want to hear from this man again? He wants you to wait for what? Three more women he sees in a short time not talking to you? I am concerned what he calls you and the other women. The fact that he won't respond to you is a good indicator that he doesn't care about your feelings. He is a man out for his own needs not to court you, love you, or boost your ego. I will say it as long as it takes Find some help! .
Cheri
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
he stopped talking
Dear Cheri,
My friend Chuck stopped talking to me. He just stopped. I don't know why. We have been talking since the beginning of the year then nothing. I tried calling and he has it go to voicemail. I don't understand and I don't know how to not let this affect my personal life. Since Jan we have talked daily during the week. What do I do?
Lost and confused
Dear Lost and Confused,
I am having a hard time understanding what happened. Have you checked the obituaries? That might sound crass. But unless you go to his house I really don't know why s day other options of finding your answers. I would suggest that you find something to occupy your time. It is hard getting over a relationship, especially if you don't have closure of why it ended. Some men don't understand that it may be hard to talk it out but in the long run there are less hurt feelings. Sometimes a person lashes out in anger more in these situations than if they were talked to. Please if you find yourself wanting to do something harmful to yourself or him get immediate help.
Cheri
My friend Chuck stopped talking to me. He just stopped. I don't know why. We have been talking since the beginning of the year then nothing. I tried calling and he has it go to voicemail. I don't understand and I don't know how to not let this affect my personal life. Since Jan we have talked daily during the week. What do I do?
Lost and confused
Dear Lost and Confused,
I am having a hard time understanding what happened. Have you checked the obituaries? That might sound crass. But unless you go to his house I really don't know why s day other options of finding your answers. I would suggest that you find something to occupy your time. It is hard getting over a relationship, especially if you don't have closure of why it ended. Some men don't understand that it may be hard to talk it out but in the long run there are less hurt feelings. Sometimes a person lashes out in anger more in these situations than if they were talked to. Please if you find yourself wanting to do something harmful to yourself or him get immediate help.
Cheri
Monday, May 18, 2015
responding to picture texts
Dear Cheri,
When you send a picture to someone is it okay to ask them if they got it and if it was okay?
People ask me that all the time and I send them a response but my new friend says that makes me needy. He sends me stuff and gets testy if I don't respond. I don't understand.
Clueless
Dear Clueless,
I am not sure what he means by the word needy. I would think he is mixing up acceptance with needy. You might be insecure about your looks if you were turned down by others recently and I would understand that. I think he doesn't want to invest in your emotional support and he mixes your question with that definition. I think he needs to understand that a person searching on these dating sites sometimes don't want to waste their time. Many ask if you like it to rule you out and move on, if that is what you are doing then no you aren't needy. I think you need to ask yourself what you want from his answer. Is he validating your beliefs about yourself or are you trying to see if he was still interested? Then I would take it from there if he is validating your beliefs I would work on your insecurities learn to believe in yourself and don't let someone else define you. Get out there and define yourself, believe in yourself. You are worth it! I would think he should understand texts don't always go through and it is only courtesy to say that you have. A compliment is good sometimes but I am thinking he would only compliment if he had ulterior motives. That is just my opinion.
When you send a picture to someone is it okay to ask them if they got it and if it was okay?
People ask me that all the time and I send them a response but my new friend says that makes me needy. He sends me stuff and gets testy if I don't respond. I don't understand.
Clueless
Dear Clueless,
I am not sure what he means by the word needy. I would think he is mixing up acceptance with needy. You might be insecure about your looks if you were turned down by others recently and I would understand that. I think he doesn't want to invest in your emotional support and he mixes your question with that definition. I think he needs to understand that a person searching on these dating sites sometimes don't want to waste their time. Many ask if you like it to rule you out and move on, if that is what you are doing then no you aren't needy. I think you need to ask yourself what you want from his answer. Is he validating your beliefs about yourself or are you trying to see if he was still interested? Then I would take it from there if he is validating your beliefs I would work on your insecurities learn to believe in yourself and don't let someone else define you. Get out there and define yourself, believe in yourself. You are worth it! I would think he should understand texts don't always go through and it is only courtesy to say that you have. A compliment is good sometimes but I am thinking he would only compliment if he had ulterior motives. That is just my opinion.
I want mine you get nothing
Dear Cheri,
My guy and I have been conversing about what our sex life would be like together. I have had some desires that haven't been met with previous partners. This guy, Bill, had talked to me and told me what he would do and how he would do this. He had a whole scenario how he would do what I wanted. Well, before we could meet for the first time he got miffed at me. I had made him mad and when I said I was in his area I said that I would only do what he wanted this time. Well, since then that is all we do, his stuff. We never do what I had fantasies of. What can I do to correct this?
Frustrated in bed
Dear Frustrated in bed,
So you are saying that he is not giving you any pleasure in this relationship. That he refuses to do what you had previously agreed on because he got mad at you? What a weasel. I would say that I would give him an ultimatum either we make this a two way street or he finds someone else to get his jollies from. A relationship is two people getting something out of it. When there is one that always takes the giver will become empty, bitter, or resentful. Better to nip this in the bud now or you will always be giving in.
Cheri
My guy and I have been conversing about what our sex life would be like together. I have had some desires that haven't been met with previous partners. This guy, Bill, had talked to me and told me what he would do and how he would do this. He had a whole scenario how he would do what I wanted. Well, before we could meet for the first time he got miffed at me. I had made him mad and when I said I was in his area I said that I would only do what he wanted this time. Well, since then that is all we do, his stuff. We never do what I had fantasies of. What can I do to correct this?
Frustrated in bed
Dear Frustrated in bed,
So you are saying that he is not giving you any pleasure in this relationship. That he refuses to do what you had previously agreed on because he got mad at you? What a weasel. I would say that I would give him an ultimatum either we make this a two way street or he finds someone else to get his jollies from. A relationship is two people getting something out of it. When there is one that always takes the giver will become empty, bitter, or resentful. Better to nip this in the bud now or you will always be giving in.
Cheri
Sunday, May 17, 2015
He left me alone and expected me to be good
Dear Cheri,
I made a mistake. I didn't know, I thought he wanted me to search for other 'friends'. He said his wife had found my text and he would text me when he could. So I started talking to others. I didn't know when or if he was coming back. But he saw me online one day and my post about 'men with blue eyes' and he was hurt. He had stopped talking to me for two weeks and thought it would be the same when he got back. He said he thought I would only be his and then he was embarrassed for being jealous because he shouldn't be. I have apologized and feel so bad. How can I make it up to him?
Worried
Dear Worried,
Say again? You want to make it up to him? He has a wife, what is wrong with you? Wake up, he put you on hold like you were his prized trophy. Sometimes they fall off the shelf. What is done is done. Move on my dear, he has a wife. He needs to worry about keeping her. You need to move on and find another blue eyed man to take care of.
Cheri
I made a mistake. I didn't know, I thought he wanted me to search for other 'friends'. He said his wife had found my text and he would text me when he could. So I started talking to others. I didn't know when or if he was coming back. But he saw me online one day and my post about 'men with blue eyes' and he was hurt. He had stopped talking to me for two weeks and thought it would be the same when he got back. He said he thought I would only be his and then he was embarrassed for being jealous because he shouldn't be. I have apologized and feel so bad. How can I make it up to him?
Worried
Dear Worried,
Say again? You want to make it up to him? He has a wife, what is wrong with you? Wake up, he put you on hold like you were his prized trophy. Sometimes they fall off the shelf. What is done is done. Move on my dear, he has a wife. He needs to worry about keeping her. You need to move on and find another blue eyed man to take care of.
Cheri
My friend is falling for a married man
Dear Cheri,
I am concerned about my friend. She is falling for a married man. She thinks he is everything she wants but he doesn't even come close for her. I don't know how to help her. What is the best way to handle the situation?
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
I am not sure what your friend is thinking, there is no future being involved with a married man. It would only end up hurting everyone in the end. Can you get her to her clergy or is there counseling at her work she could go to. The problem with this is she doesn't think she has a problem. Somehow in her mind she has made this right in her mind. It might be that she has had to do this to live with herself. Maybe a good night out with the girls. I don't advocate drinking but this might be one time you should to loosen her up and maybe she can tell you why. At that time you should be able to direct her what direction to go. I am afraid this might take more time than you have. She will need continual encouragement and that is sometimes hard to give. Good luck.
Cheri
I am concerned about my friend. She is falling for a married man. She thinks he is everything she wants but he doesn't even come close for her. I don't know how to help her. What is the best way to handle the situation?
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
I am not sure what your friend is thinking, there is no future being involved with a married man. It would only end up hurting everyone in the end. Can you get her to her clergy or is there counseling at her work she could go to. The problem with this is she doesn't think she has a problem. Somehow in her mind she has made this right in her mind. It might be that she has had to do this to live with herself. Maybe a good night out with the girls. I don't advocate drinking but this might be one time you should to loosen her up and maybe she can tell you why. At that time you should be able to direct her what direction to go. I am afraid this might take more time than you have. She will need continual encouragement and that is sometimes hard to give. Good luck.
Cheri
Threesomes... one always feels left out
Dear Cheri,
My friend is into threesomes. He told me of one meeting he had and how it works. That you always want to make the third person feel welcome. That you take care of her. He said how his wife took care of the woman and then they both took care of him. But then the woman wouldn't take care of his wife so he ended up taking care of the woman while his wife stood back and watched. A few weeks later he told me the how they became swingers. His wife found him writing an email to another woman and confronted him. After she cooled down she was kind of into exploring some things. The other woman had suggested a few times about them doing a threesome. My chest stung I then knew that the other woman had set him up. The wife had to be hurt because after she watched them together, she told him just be upfront when he was going to go meet her. He was clueless. He didn't see the hurt of his wife. He couldn't see the other woman denied doing anything to his wife to trap her into letting her have him She had them both. The wife was at her mercy now she wouldn't be able to tell Bill, the husband, he couldn't see the other woman. I don't understand. I have looked up narcissistic behavior. I think back now and when we were up front who we were and what we wanted from each other he started rules for me. Only text 9-6 Mon-Fri unless he would contact me first. I am scared that I am getting involved with a narcissist.
Frightened
Dear Frightened,
Walk away now, no scratch that run away now. Change your number, delete email, don't answer you phone and please get counseling. I am surviving he was wanting you to do a threesome with him or for him I didn't know why you told me that. Have you been sucked into his world and feel sorry for him? Don't, he doesn't deserve it. He is married and I don't care if his wife is okay with it. She is protecting more than just her marriage, she is protecting her lifestyle and stature in the community. Why else would she stay with this man. He demoralizes her with meeting other women. They must control each other somehow and that is why he wants to control you. He put you in your place when he started the schedule. You need to understand that if he treats his wife like that he really won't be a nice guy to anyone else. He gets what he wants and needs then throws away what he doesn't need. You are right it must have hurt his wife to see how he did another woman by assumption is that he enjoyed it immensely thus showing her that he can't get what he needs from just her. Why she stays with him we may never know and since she isn't writing me I really don't care. You are the one I am concerned with. I really do think you need some outside guidance to get you away from him. If he is indeed a narcissist then it may not be an easy fix for you by walking away. We need to fill your life with someone that will occupy your time enough to heal. Please contact me by email or go your clergy to find the help you need.
Very concerned, Cheri
My friend is into threesomes. He told me of one meeting he had and how it works. That you always want to make the third person feel welcome. That you take care of her. He said how his wife took care of the woman and then they both took care of him. But then the woman wouldn't take care of his wife so he ended up taking care of the woman while his wife stood back and watched. A few weeks later he told me the how they became swingers. His wife found him writing an email to another woman and confronted him. After she cooled down she was kind of into exploring some things. The other woman had suggested a few times about them doing a threesome. My chest stung I then knew that the other woman had set him up. The wife had to be hurt because after she watched them together, she told him just be upfront when he was going to go meet her. He was clueless. He didn't see the hurt of his wife. He couldn't see the other woman denied doing anything to his wife to trap her into letting her have him She had them both. The wife was at her mercy now she wouldn't be able to tell Bill, the husband, he couldn't see the other woman. I don't understand. I have looked up narcissistic behavior. I think back now and when we were up front who we were and what we wanted from each other he started rules for me. Only text 9-6 Mon-Fri unless he would contact me first. I am scared that I am getting involved with a narcissist.
Frightened
Dear Frightened,
Walk away now, no scratch that run away now. Change your number, delete email, don't answer you phone and please get counseling. I am surviving he was wanting you to do a threesome with him or for him I didn't know why you told me that. Have you been sucked into his world and feel sorry for him? Don't, he doesn't deserve it. He is married and I don't care if his wife is okay with it. She is protecting more than just her marriage, she is protecting her lifestyle and stature in the community. Why else would she stay with this man. He demoralizes her with meeting other women. They must control each other somehow and that is why he wants to control you. He put you in your place when he started the schedule. You need to understand that if he treats his wife like that he really won't be a nice guy to anyone else. He gets what he wants and needs then throws away what he doesn't need. You are right it must have hurt his wife to see how he did another woman by assumption is that he enjoyed it immensely thus showing her that he can't get what he needs from just her. Why she stays with him we may never know and since she isn't writing me I really don't care. You are the one I am concerned with. I really do think you need some outside guidance to get you away from him. If he is indeed a narcissist then it may not be an easy fix for you by walking away. We need to fill your life with someone that will occupy your time enough to heal. Please contact me by email or go your clergy to find the help you need.
Very concerned, Cheri
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